"i miss you"

After reading Britney Spears' blog about the 15 year old girl who overdosed on "cheese" (heroine + Tylenol PM) I started reading the blog that was recommended by Chris Hamm in a reply to this post. It is a blog from a mother who lost her daughter to this same combination of drugs. Britney's recount was very powerful because she was writing about something that directly affected her and from a mother's perspective, it was even more intense. After reading through almost all of her posts, I found it impossible not to cry. Her grief is overwhelming and unimaginable. She blogs often about the pain she deals with daily, and claims writing is a way for her to try and get those thoughts out of her head. This is one of her more recent posts,

"A Poem for Lauren from Mom and Kristen" :

"God saw you were getting tired, and a cure was not meant to be.So he put his arms around you and whispered, "come with me."With tearful eyes, we watched as you passed away;Even with all our love, we could notmake you stay.Your precious heart stopped beating,You looked so beautiful, so peaceful at rest.God broke our hearts to prove to us –He only takes the best.Right now you’re in a different place,And though we seem apart,you’re closer than everYou’re here inside my heart.You’re with me when I greet each dayYou are here to share the sunsets, too…You are with me every nightAnd in my dreams, I’m there with you.You’re with me when the times are goodTo share a laugh or two,and if a tear should start to fall…I will go on ‘cause I have you.When that day arrives,we no longer are apart,I’ll smile and hold you close to me…We’ll be together forever,heart to heart."


Reading about her memories with her daughter made think about my own relationship with my parents. So many times I got frustrated with them when they wouldn't let me do what I wanted in order to protect me. Her posts have made me feel guilty because I realize that every time I do something stupid I am not only jeopardizing my own life, but my family's because their worlds would crumble if I died. As kids, we don't think about what we're doing and before we know it, the damage has already been done. We always try to act mature and think we can handle everything on our own. But then something like this happens and we're humbled again because we realize we aren't so indestructible nor are we always right.

On another one of her posts, she titled it "Heroin/Cheese Overdose???" because she hoped that if a "teen or someone [was] googling for help [he] will stumble across it... If they read the entirety of it, maybe just maybe it will save a life." I hope that more kids start to realize that this stuff is real and there are consequences.

I went back in the archives of her blog to what she wrote after the first few days following her daughter's death. Initially, she said she had a strained relationship with her daughter Lauren and that after Lauren got pregnant, she went to live with her father. But in retro-spect, her pregnancy was probably the best thing that could have happened to her mother and family because now a part of her will live on. Her daughter is a gift to that family and her life has a very special and unique meaning.

Here is the link to her blog:
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